I think I know my problem...

I feel like part of the reason that I have no idea what I want to do, and the reason that it upsets me a lot, is that everyone tells you that you can do whatever you want when you're like 6, but as soon as you start to get old enough to really have any ideas of what you want to do everyone suddenly tells you to be realistic and tries to push you into the "safe" careers like being a doctor, lawyer, business person, teacher. I know they're just trying to make sure that I can easily get a job, and that they're looking out for my well-being, in terms of salary, etc., but now I have the idea that any job that I might actually enjoy is just too dangerous or impossible in my head and I'm coming up with reasons why they would be horrible choices for me or why they would make me unhappy. Another part of the reason is that I'm trying to plan out the "far future" already even though that's just going to stress me out more now since I know that complex plans hardly ever work out the way you want. I guess I just need to learn to be a little selfish for now instead of trying to provide and take care of everyone else all the time.

drama

Why are people attracted to drama? I find myself getting drawn into gossip all the time and readily admit that a messy detail or juicy story is a lot more interesting than someone's good news. People slow down and rubberneck at car accidents or emergency situations and buy tabloids to learn about tragedies they have no connection to whatsoever. There are a ton of websites, columns, books, shows that analyze various tragic points in either humanity's or a single person's life, i.e. relationship problems, food problems, family problems, money problems, career problems; and people clamor to absorb all this information for some reason. Is it just to manipulate our emotions without screwing up our own lives or just reveling in others' misery? Do we want to make ourselves feel better about our own lives; like even though our lives may be boring, at least we're not bawling as we drag our possessions out of our soon-to-be ex's apartement? Human nature is funny and inexplainable; we're all so different and yet so similar. How is that possible?

Urg.

Sick again, how miserable. But so is Sarah, so it makes me feel a little better that we're both going to be sniffling as we do our art homework in her studio. We went out to dinner with her and Dylan last night, it was really fun and good for me to get out because I tend to hole myself up when I get sick. Hopefully this will go away soon.

Why is it that whenever you think you are going to have a good day you feel terrible when you wake up? Now that I think about it, I do have some boring things to do, but still! I did have a really silly dream though. I dreamt that I went to a chinese restaurant with my dad and I was trying to teach him to eat with chopsticks. It was amusing.

Valentine's Day

So I sent a valentine's package to Courtney. It's really cool, at least I think it's cool, and I really think that she's going to love it. I hope it makes her feel like someone from home is really thinking about her and loves her, because I love you Courtney!! Oh, random thought: I'm now on facebook, so y'all can friend me if you want! Anyway, so I went to the post-office and they acted like I was completely crazy for wanting to send a package to Ireland. Um, it's your job to ship things, please don't give me attitude. I was the one that had to fill out customs forms and such, it's not like it was a hassle to slap on the postage labels. But anyways...
I had a really good Valentine's Day. I got to talk to my parents and to Courtney, and I got a snow day, which never happens in college. It was just snowing so hard and so much that no one could get to class, so I got a surprise vacation and got to spend the whole day with Kat watching the beautiful snow. We exchanged presents about a week ago for various reasons, so I wasn't expecting anything, but he bought me a little potted Hyacinth and dessert for after dinner. It was really sweet. That evening we got dressed up and I made pasta carbonara, which was yummy, and had a romantic candle-lit dinner with a bottle of La Crema - my favorite affordable white wine. It was just a really nice day and night. Happy Valentine's Day to all!

EEE! Procrastination!!!!

Wow, I just have way too much to do that I've like shut down. There are way too many dishes that need to be done right now and I have to do a huge chunk of homework. Oh, and I'm cooking dinner right now. So that's fun....not really. I had a voice lesson today, not that that's interesting, but Arthur's being really encouraging, which is nice, especially since my throat feels like it's on fire right now. I hope I'm not getting sick. I half-way think my throat hurts because I talked to Sarah excessively this weekend and that can't be good on your voice. Anyway, just thought I'd share.

Sunday

Wow, I really wish it was next Sunday instead of this Sunday. I'll be a lot happier after this week's chunk of work is done because it's stupid and excessive. That is all.

How Annoying

So, I just wanted to complain about the presentation thingy I have to do next wednesday, but instead of just getting to do that, blogger makes me switch my account to the new google account thing they do now. I don't have a good experience with the new version. My mom tried to get a new account and both of the ones she created wouldn't let her sign on. Then Courtney got one for her semester abroad and she had to make a new one because the first one crapped out on her. I don't have much hope, which is sad because I like my blog where it is, how it is. So. Hopefully they've fixed how much they made the new version suck since I'm now stuck with it.