Now what?

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

time waste

This is a stupid game I found on someone else's blog:

What was I doing 10 years ago?
I was enjoying the summer between 6th and 7th grade.

What are 5 things on my to-do list for today?
start packing, comb the cat who is shedding her winter undercoat all of a sudden; I'm starting to look like a tabby cat myself, clean the bathtub, figure out dinner, and research more things for next year online.

Snacks I enjoy:
I like eating single bites of cold leftovers, cheese, smoothies, but those are mainly my favorite lunch item, and chips and dip.

Things I would do if I were a billionaire:
Help clear up Kat's and my debt, buy Kat a new car, donate money to all the charities I like, and allow myself to write my book and start an upholstery business.

Places I have lived:
Houston, TX, Hudson Valley New York, and soon the Boulder area in Colorado.

Jobs I've had:
Babysitter, group childcare helper, law firm assistant, stocker at Petsmart, camp counselor, I think that's it.

Anyway, I'm procrastinating. I still don't feel like I've graduated, which makes it that much harder to take any kind of job search seriously because the things that I want to do are self-run and require some sort of support or capitol, which I don't have. We're excited about the new house though.
It may be the fact that I've lived in the Bard bubble for four years, but I'm really happy with where we are right now, even if that means that I have to take some crummy job for a year until I can get my real interests on their feet. It seems like everyone I knew in high school, or from my Houston life, is getting married, with the exception of all my close friends. It creeps me out! We're 22, relax! It feels like I'm the only one who gets the whole concept of marriage, that you're supposed to be together forever. So if you're committing to being together forever, why rush into marriage? You have you're entire life! It seems to me like the high divorce rate could possibly be due to young kids falling hard for each other fast and thinking that marriage just sounds great or that they will die if they don't live together or have a baby or whatever, right this minute! Maybe it's not the Bard bubble, but the fact that my friends and I are more levelheaded and support each other in that and that the sheer volume of horrible relationships that I've seen over the past four years seemed to encompass people who delusionally think that the relationship is good because they're committed, even though the person they're with is a skeeze.
Kat and I are already getting pressure to get married and have kids. Do you believe that? We're 22 years old, I thought most people generally hoped to get married in their late twenties. I guess I can just take comfort in the fact that Kat and I are really happy and will have no reservations when we do get married. It's hard to transition into being a real adult if you have to pretend to be one already, since that's kind of something people expect when you're married, and especially if you have kids. It all just seems so weird to me right now, as I'm sure it will when I start hearing about people I know getting divorced. Being able to set up secure footing for ourselves first is something that is really important us because we don't want money to be a huge problem in our marriage, so we're getting through those problems now, and we know we can get through big problems and huge arguments now. I wonder if some of those newlyweds have that kind of assurance. I can honestly say that we'll probably get married in the next few years because we've talked about when we want to have kids and we want to be married for a few years before that.
Wow, I didn't mean for this to turn into a tirade, but this is just really weirding me out right now. Kat and I are really looking forward to next year with our new house and soon a new puppy. I hope that Kat will be successful in grad school and that I can do what I'm interested in.

Sunday, June 08, 2008


It's very surreal to have graduated from college, it hasn't really hit me yet. I still think it's very strange that I can go pick up my diploma right now and see my name on it. Sometimes I still think that someone is going to show up to my house and take it away and tell me that there was a mistake, just because school ended so abruptly that I don't feel that I really had any closure. I didn't have any finals and senior project was due a month before school was over. On a happier note I've started writing again, I guess senior project wasn't as traumatic as it felt at the time since I don't have an aversion to the writing process, though I don't think I'll be doing any research papers any time soon.
I'm also trying to enjoy doing nothing since this is my last real summer, at least until I have kids, but then I'll have a different kind of full-time job. Kat and I are discussing job possibilities for me next year, as I want to enjoy my job, and it would be nice if I could have the option to bring the puppy with me. I can't see myself in an office building so that seems like a more distinct possibility because of that. Since Kat is going to look into taking out student loans for living expenses it takes some of the financial pressure off of me, which is nice. I'm also trying to figure out what I want to do. I'm still really interested in physical therapy, but that seems like something that might have to wait until after kids since I would need several science undergrad credits before I could start the master's program for physical therapy, most of which are fairly evil, like organic chem, so I couldn't really do them in night or weekend classes since they're very extensive. Right now I'm just trying to look at what I could do with the talents and interests that I have and hopefully that can amount to something fulfilling.